"Guess what?” Your friend says. This is followed by thoughts in your head of “please, oh please, don’t make me guess; if you tell me you are pregnant I am going to burst into tears”. “I’m pregnant!” she announces before you can get that thought out of your head. You pretend to be happy for her but the whole time she is talking you do not hear a word she says. Inside you are falling apart. You know you should be happy for her, she is your friend after all, but you just can’t bring yourself to feel cheerful about the situation.
It seems that when a woman is trying to have a baby, this is the time that everyone else in her life gets pregnant. It’s not fair. You’re right. And its okay for you to feel angry, jealous, depressed, sick to your stomach, or whatever feelings you feel when you hear an announcement about pregnancy. But is it productive for you to stay upset, is it helping you to get pregnant faster, is it being the kind of friend you want to be? Probably not. So how do you deal with these emotions? How can you be a good friend to someone who is pregnant and keep your own sanity at the same time?
Tips for Kindness and Empathy
Be a friend. Treat her the way you would want to be treated.
Be honest. Don’t be afraid to tell her how you are feeling. You might be surprised to hear that she is worrying about you.
Be angry. But don’t be angry with your friend. Try not to let this emotion cloud your mind. Express your anger in healthy ways. Physical exercise and writing are both good outlets for angry emotions.
Take care of yourself. Are you eating well and sleeping well? Are you taking care of your body and spirit? Spend some time recuperating. Go to be early or take a long walk. Trying to get pregnant can be stressful. Make sure you are taking care of you.
Talk to someone. Talk to a counselor, minister, or friend about how you are feeling. Talking to someone can help you sort out your feelings.
Find a support system. Find a support system. A support system does not have to be a formal meeting, group therapy, or anything like that. A support system can be your mom, your sister, or a group of ladies you know from work. Find like-minded friends that you can count on for support.
Write your feelings down on paper. What will make you feel better? Ask yourself this question “What can I do to change the way I am feeling?” You can do nothing or you can write down some ways that you can change the way you are feeling. What works for you? This is a very personal question, so take some time to evaluate your life and what you can do to be happy with your present circumstances. Now might be the time to schedule an appointment with your doctor to tell him or her your concerns about getting pregnant. Maybe you have been wanting to get back into an exercise routine but have let trying to get pregnant get in the way of this. Concentrate on what is right for you when you answer this question. You may not feel better right away but this exercise will help you to focus on changing the way you are feeling.
Do something about it. Once you write down your plan for how to change the way you are feeling, put it into practice. Use what you write down as a plan of action and follow through on it.