Did you just find out you’re pregnant with twins, and you’re terrified? It doesn’t matter if you are a first-time mom or already have one or two children at home, the thought of twins can be overwhelming. Twins mean an unexpected hit to finances, space, and sleep, as well as more than the usual health concerns. You may be particularly worried about one or two of these things. Twins are more common than every before, and there are lots of resources out there for you, no matter what your main concern. There is help, and you can do this!
Find your tribe
Join a Moms of Multiples Group. Multiples of America has groups around the US. Similar groups exist around the world. No group near you? There are also online multiples groups at various parenting sites and on Facebook. Other moms of twins can be your best support—they have been there, understand your fears and worries, and can be a great source of comfort, advice, and tips.
Ask for help
You are probably surrounded by people willing to help you that are unsure what you need. Don't be afraid to ask! Depending on how your pregnancy progresses, you may need some help before the babies are born—you might need to hire a housekeeper, use a grocery delivery service, or find a friend to take any older children to school. Ask around among your friends for recommendations. Talk to friends and relatives to work on setting up help for when you bring the babies home—your doctor will be able to estimate a delivery week or goal for you, but it might change! If you deliver via c-section, you will need more help due to lifting and other restrictions. If you partner has family leave, consider when would be the best time to use it. Older children will need to rides to school or classes. The more you can loosely set up in advance, the easier it will be. If you are able to, hire a night nurse for the first 6 weeks or perhaps longer.
Get some books
Do you enjoy reading? Don’t spend all your time on google reading anecdotes and blogs. Go to a bookstore or the library, and get some books about twins and twin pregnancies. Read them now—you may find some great ideas for managing life with two infants!
Follow your doctor’s orders
Your doctor will keep close tabs on your pregnancy, but your doctor needs your cooperation! Follow the doctor’s orders regarding travel (distance and elevation), bed rest, nutrition, and anything else that comes up. If your doctor’s practice sees a lot of multiples, they may have additional local resources for you.
Go for counseling
Be patient with yourself, but if you continue struggling with extreme fear and anxiety, reach out to your doctor’s office or multiples group to find a counselor. There are counselors that specialize in anxiety, motherhood, and various medical issues. Your OB’s office should be able to recommend someone for you to see. Make the call and set up an appointment.
Let yourself grieve
Even though you are carrying two babies, you may be grieving the singleton you were expecting. Let yourself grieve the loss of the dreams you had for that pregnancy and baby, it will help prepare you for the pregnancy and babies you do have. Parenting throws everyone for a loop at some point, and life doesn't always follow your plans—as you know.
If finances are a huge part of your worries, start talking with your partner and running numbers. If you work full or part time, talk with your partner about what you would like or need to do as a family. You may manage to continue working through your pregnancy—or your doctor may not allow it, depending on your job and how your pregnancy goes. Will you return to work and need to find and pay for two daycare placements or a nanny? Will the cost of daycare take your entire paycheck? Is there family nearby who can and will help on a long-term basis? Stay positive, and try to keep your options open if you intend to return to work.
(counselor if tears, struggling, anxiety)